Our inaugural What Works column tackles the toughest question some people ever face
“Am I an alcoholic?” “Am I an addict?” At some point, many of us look back on our drinking or using and question it: question whether it’s sustainable; question whether it’s getting in the way of our life; question whether we’re becoming who we want to be. This happened for me at 23. I’d made quite a mess already in ten years. Some come to these questions even younger. Whenever it happens, we become spiritual seekers. We open to deeper questions of meaning that had been obscured. I’ve met countless others over the years who have come up against this or some other crisis and found that, rather than the end, it was the beginning of their journey.
In this new column, I will be exploring issues of personal spirituality. If life’s thrown you a curve and turned you into a seeker, and you don’t know where to start, I hope with my twenty plus years of ups and downs on this adventure I can offer a little light for your own path. If you are already a seeker or, as I prefer to call myself, a pilgrim, perhaps you’ll find something useful here — a new method, an unexplored area or a useful tool.
At 16, Nancy faced several years of wreckage and asked herself the same questions. It was easy enough for her to see the patterns. She didn’t need to suffer for a decade more, or two, to prove to herself that she was an alcoholic. She got to experience college and dating and early work life with clarity. Though my path is my path, I envy her that.
But not everyone who gets out of control with drinking and drugs is an alcoholic or addict. People often ask me whether they might just have been “enjoying” the years before they had to get responsible. Or whether they don’t just need to get their act together and be stronger.
There is no perfect definition of addiction. It’s a slippery beast. That’s because it’s not just about the physical phenomenon of craving. Most people focus on that. But if it were only physical, the solution would be simple: Just say no. And for non-alcoholics and non-addicts who get into trouble with drugs or alcohol, it can be that simple.
But I didn’t believe that when I was active. I used to think things like “Just Say No” and D.A.R.E. were absurd, naïve. Because I knew that understanding the consequences wouldn’t make me stop. And in ads, some of the portrayals of addicts made addiction seem more attractive to me.
What are you thinking?
If you’re like me, then knowing the consequences, knowing the “reasons” for drinking — self-knowledge in general — will not keep you from drinking. It might for a while, but in the long run, we need a solution, not good intentions.
[Read the rest of What Works: Am I An Alcoholic? at bustedhalo.com.]
